i feel like its time to vent again. at this point in my life, im not really sure what to do. my family wants me to succeed in college, yet i dont feel like college is right for me. if i could skip college and just join the air force as an officer, i would have already done that. i just got my job back today, and it feels pretty good. i miss having my job, and i also miss my uncle. im glad that he is back to normal and himself. i love my uncle. he is the closest father that i have. i dont even have my real parents. even when i wish i did, i feel like it was supposed to happen this way. i still get awkward when i see families because i dont have that. i have nothing close to that except friends that i call “family.” and this new relationship….i am a difficult person to be in a relationship with and its weird for me. the last relationship i had was wonderful, dont get me wrong, but he fucked me over. just like the 2 other guys ive seriously dated. my first dated my best friend for two years and didnt even shed a tear, no feelings. my other cheated on me with 3 underage girls and wouldnt admit it and he can never have me bac. my most recent, he cheated too and he realizes he wont ever have someone like me. this one…he just simply came along. like i didnt look..he just came. and i like him, i like him more everyday. he likes me, i hope. he is the most sweetest guy ive ever been with. and i used to think the other guys ive dated were nice and sweet, but no. this guy is like crazy sweet. he opens the car door for me EVERY time i go to sit in his car, he lights me cigarettes & he knows when i want one. he also opens my beer for me and flips the tab to the right.
intermission from make up loving——
so now i forgot what exactly what i was trying to say…or my point. but all i know is that i guess im a hard girl to break. i dont open up, which is most girls problems anyway..but me, im like the great wall of china. haha. maybe one day ill come to realization that not everyone is untrustworthy and that people that actually like you dont always wanna use you. i hope i can find the answer to all my questions. maybe one day, if not…i guess ill have to find out in heaven.
